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I lost words  and for once I am not going to force myself to speak  when they would rather hide  beneath my tongue  I don’t even know  How these other words got here  they feel foreign  an invader pushing their way down my throat  I want  to tell them  to leave me alone  your not mine  but I can’t speak  I can’t find my own voice  Trembling  in the root of my being  I’ve lied  I’ve let myself down  I’m begging  for my voice to feel wanted  back home  in my body  I promise  I’ll speak my truth